I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize