Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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