Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
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Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
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You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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