I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize