Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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