You're so nebulous sometimes
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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