If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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