You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize