I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize