Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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