the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
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we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
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When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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