I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
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He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
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I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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