woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
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And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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