Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
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It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
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On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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