I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
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the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
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I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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