frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize