can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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