Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize