I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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