i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You dont lie about slip and slides
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize