Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize