No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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