he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
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No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
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Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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