What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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