Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize