I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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