ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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