the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
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All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
tell me about the eggs
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