just tell him i said nine months
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
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I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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