I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize