Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
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You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
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Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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