You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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