you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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