I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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