It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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