Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
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I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
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"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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