but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize