Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think my vagina is haunted
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
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just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
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MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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