dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Green mimosas i think yes
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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