Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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