i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize