dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
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I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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