Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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