Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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