Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize