Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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