where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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