1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
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It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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