i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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