just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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